I went to see A Star is Born.  Nothing radical there.  I have seen 2 of the 3 other versions so I pretty much knew the story.  Now, I figured that since Sam Elliot was in the film I was going to be happy.  I have been a Sam girl since my 20’s when while channel surfing I heard him say “Libby”.  I stopped short.  I had to see what was attached to that voice.  First I saw the hands and then the rest of the body and finally the face.  I was a fan.  He was and still is the perfect package.   He has it all!  Recently,. just to add to the package, I saw him on Colbert.  He is charming, generous and humorous.  So, he really is the total package!  Now, Bradley Cooper is gorgeous eye candy and I like Gaga so, why not.

I was totally unprepared for the staggering talent of Bradley Cooper.  Honestly, he stopped my heart and then broke it.  I think of the 3 versions I have seen, this was by far, the best.

Now, I am not writing a review of the film.  There is a deeper purpose for this blog.  If you have ever had a loved one take their life, you know that your life has never been the same since.  You wish you could go back to the moment before you heard, when your life was normal.  It will never be normal again.  That sudden ending of a life – no warning, no good by, – just over.  The pain that washes over you, the deals you make with the universe to have it be 5 minutes earlier when life was recognizable, the guilt you feel because you are sure you missed something, or you could have done something to prevent this, lasts forever.  Yes, you do grow a scab over the wound and move on, but, it is always there.  A rough spot that gets rubbed every now and then – a holiday, a birthday, a beautiful sunset or the smell of freshly mown grass.  Whatever it was that was special, when it happens it brings it all back and the wound weeps a little.

As I said earlier, I had seen this film in its other versions and never had this kind of reaction.  What I had not taken into account was, my experience with the love of my life taking his life.  This film ripped the scab off and I found myself with that raw emotion all over again.  When he smiles at her for the last time, it rips into your heart and tears it apart.  Well, at least it did for me because the last time I saw my guy, he smiled at me, had that twinkle in his eye and drove off never to be see alive again.

The character in this film was a deeply flawed and very troubled man and yet he was amazingly talented, generous, kind and deeply loving.  He committed suicide for her but really, in the end, suicide does nothing but cause everlasting pain and a sense of loss to those left behind.  You move on but those you have lost are never left behind.  They are always with you.  In the film, he writes a love song for her.   It was amazingly beautiful and truly, when you love someone who is gone in a second, in that moment, you can’t imagine ever touching anyone else or loving another person.  The song also pulls at you and rubs that scab raw.

Suicide is the ultimate act.  There is no turning back and for whatever the reason, you leave devastation behind,  Because, as John Donne said “no man is an island unto himself”,  We all touch so many others and so we spread the loss.  Recently, when Anthony Bourdain took his life he not only was a loss to his friends, family and colleagues, he was a great loss to his fan friends all around the world.  People mourned him as if he was a family member.  We all live with the loss and eventually we feel it fade into the background of our lives but it is always there.  When you watch a film like this one, it does reopen old wounds and once again, pain flows.  But it also reminds you of the beauty and love to be found in life and for that reason, I am so glad I saw A Star is Born.